I have been joking about writing this post for a while and since my last post was pretty serious, I thought this was the perfect time…
Lovely readers…as you know, or don’t know, I took a year off dating and that ended back in December. While I have a lot of valid and serious reasons as to why I took a year off dating and was really inspired by Andy Stanley’s sermon series “Love, Sex, and Dating.” I also have some not so serious reasons as to why someone should take a year off of dating. I know, I know…y’all are on the edge of your seats…so without further hype:
You might need to take a year off dating if…
- You have dated three different guys with the same name and your friends have appropriately nicknamed them the original, the sequel, and the remix
- The same nicknames…the original, the sequel, and the remix… can be said about how many times you have broken up with and gotten back together with the same guy
- You are on a second date and your date falls asleep on you. Mid conversation. When you ask him about it he tells you he was “just resting his eyes.”
- You once had a potential relationship ending argument over the downgrade of your significant other’s Uber rating after you failed to show up for the Uber driver he ordered for you.
- Your mom once went to an event where Tim Tebow spoke and she slipped a note to him in his dressing room all about her daughter….and maybe a picture too…(PS I know you’re shocked mom, but he never called).
- And the grand finale...On a 7 hour drive home with a guy you’ve been dating for 4 months, you decide to trap him into having the “define the relationship talk with you”…at hour 1…. while you are driving. No escape.
All of those things are true and only slightly exaggerated…except for #6 which is not exaggerated in the slightest (sorry, Matthew). If you can’t laugh at your hiccups, your life will be pretty boring.
On a more serious note, I recently talked to someone who is thinking about returning to a situation that had previously been the source of many hiccups in their life. One of the main things we talked about is how important it is to have a plan. You know the saying…the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results and that is so true in the dating world. Obviously, I know staying close to Jesus is the number one thing, but here are some other rules I’ve made for myself:
- Have friends that love Jesus and can be honest with you—I cannot express how important this has been in my life. I am so lucky to have women in my life that can give me objective and loving advice on my dating life. I love my single friends that encourage me through their own lives to hold high standards and I love my married friends that are consistently showing me what it looks like to be respectfully and intentionally pursued.
- Pray specifically and daily-As corny as this may sound, I pray every day for my future spouse. Since December, I’ve prayed the same thing over and over again:
Lord, I don’t know who he is. I don’t where he is or whether I’ve even met him, but I ask you to bless him and protect him. I ask you to provide for him and keep him pure. I pray that we will be attracted to the things that reflect Your character first and that we will proclaim the gospel through our relationship. I pray that he is being wise and kind in his relationships with women. Please bring him in my life soon. Amen
3. No “filler guys”-In the past (and by the past I mean 2014), I have been guilty of texting someone or hanging out with someone I knew I didn’t really want to date. This was definitely just so I wouldn’t feel lonely or to inflate my ego or sometimes…just to give me something to do. Not to say that I don’t have guy friends, but I want the men in my life to be intentional with me and so I am committed to being intentional to them in return.
4. Be open to new things-The best advice someone gave me about dating again is just to say yes to going on dates with different people. Don’t overanalyze everyone before you’ve even gone on a date with them…is he shorter than you like? Who cares…try one date…Does he seem quieter than other guys you’ve dated? Who cares…try one date. The flip side of that is don’t be desperate…dating someone because they love Jesus is the place to start, but it doesn’t have to be the only reason you date him. Andy Stanley says it perfectly “desperation in dating leads to disaster.”