The Rebel Wears Lilly Pulitzer

Get it, like The Devil Wears Prada? You’ll see where I’m going with this in a minute and fully appreciate my comedic efforts.  So, I’ve been away from the blogging world for a significant period of time…for numerous reasons, but mainly because I was stuck in the rebellious cycle.  I know, that sounds weird…not rebel without a cause rebel (you know, James Dean, cigarette hanging outta my mouth) but a Christian rebel.  See, I know how God feels about me and who I am in Him, but there’s little guy the devil (I have no idea what his size is or if it’s inappropriate to call him little…he definitely causes large problems in our life, but for whatever reason…I’m calling him little) who helped me walk down a path of rebellion.

Rebellion starts out small and innocent.  For me, it started by allowing my heart to seek after its’ own desires (Jeremiah 17:9 the heart is deceitful above all things). First, it was one step towards my own wants, desires, needs and one step away from what God wanted.  One step turns into two, then into twenty… pretty easily (typing this, I can’t help but think about what my grandma always says about drinking….it only takes one sip[this is her it only takes one drink to start down the path of alcoholism talk]). Let me say for the record, sin is rebelling against God and we all rebel…every single day of our lives….because we are sinners.  Obviously, I have a sin problem (like we all do) but my problem was allowing the devil to infiltrate my thoughts and heart and feel condemnation for my sin.

See, once I started down my path I believed the lie that I couldn’t turn around.  I allowed the devil to tell me that God wouldn’t welcome me back.  I allowed myself to believe that I couldn’t share with all of you my sin problems…because you would think I was a fraud or hypocrite. I felt embarrassed and unforgiveable.  Here I am, writing a blog where I’m talking about all these Godly things…but I’m not believing a basic truth about God character. So what did I do? I just continued down the rebellious path.

So, where did that rebellious path take me? Well, it led me to pain and heartache…where all rebellion and sin takes us.  But, luckily I have a God that loves me so much and unconditionally, that He powerfully reminded me of Romans 8:1-2 (when I say powerfully, I mean powerfully…my church did a sermon series on Romans 8…talk about God-ordained). Romans 8:1-2 says, “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death.”

I love this story of Jesus’ love that is found in John 15.  The disciples are with Jesus in the upper room, sharing communion and Jesus says this in verse 13 “Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.” (my emphasis on friends).  Jesus goes on to call them friends two more times.  It is huge that Jesus is calling him his friends. He called them friends three times.  Jesus is driving home a point to the disciples…I love you, I love you, I love you! And then He sacrificed His life for them…and what did the disciples do…they walked away…they turned their back on and they went back to doing what they did before they knew Him. In John 21, Jesus appears to them and He sees them fishing (fyi the fishing is what they used to do) out in the Sea of Galilee and the disciples did not recognize that it was Jesus on the shore and He called out to them “friends” John 21:5. This story blows me away…anyone can call someone friend at the communion table, but He called them the same name while they were in rebellion as He did while they were at the communion table.  He sought them out…not to get them back, but to bring them back into a relationship with Him.

See, I was scared to come back to Him.  I was afraid He wouldn’t want anything to do with me. But, He has shown me that His love for me is not conditioned on my rebellion.  His love for me is always the same.  It doesn’t increase when I’m singing His name in church or decrease when I’m saying a four letter word…its constant. Romans 8:38-39 says “For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”  Can God stop loving Jesus…nope (I hope you all yelled nope like I did writing this)! Then, as a follower of Jesus…God cannot stop loving me and He sacrificed His life for me…not to get me back…but to bring me back into a relationship with Him.

This time, when my rebellion took me to painful places…I didn’t let the devil tell me that I can’t turn around…I listen to God’s loving voice cry out loudly “I have loved you, my people, with an everlasting love. With unfailing love I have drawn you to myself.” Jeremiah 31:3

To sum it up, I am confessing my sin to all of you readers (if I still have any readers).  I let myself believe the lie. I know this post isn’t as interesting or fun to read as some of my other posts, but it is definitely the most vulnerable and heart-filled.  I pray that you all will show me some mercy and continue reading.

Also, in case you didn’t get the title…I’m the rebel (if you didn’t get that from reading the above…you probably didn’t read it) and I used to thoroughly enjoy myself some sunshine Lilly P prints.  Now, I wear them sparingly.  Mainly, because most of her dresses look terrible on me and look like I’m wearing a tent (all you super thin girls…wear away!)

And just to end on a lighter note…..the funniest Rebel I know

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