Think about what you’re thinking about

While my goal is to write posts that everyone can relate to, I am a woman (despite my name..A..man…da. Seriously, y’all oldest joke in the book) so it’s only natural that some of my posts will be more relatable to women. Today is one of those posts. All about our thoughts.

The inspiration from this post came from my experience today. I had to drive to our other office because I left my meter there (diabeetus is such a pain sometimes). On my way, a song came on that I love and in my head I thought, “this would make a great song for a wedding” then that led to “this would make a great song at my wedding” (keep in mind I’m single and no where close to marriage, if there was a board game called wedding and when you landed on square 20 you had a wedding, I’d be on square 1), from there it went to “Hmmm…I wonder if I would wear my hair up or down at my wedding.” DISCLAIMER: If any boys are reading this blog, please do not think I’m crazy and just accept that women do this. If they tell you they don’t do this, they are probably lying to you.

Today’s experience reminded me of how important it is for women to protect our thought life. I’m not saying that we can’t ever think about things that make us happy or things we want to happen in your life. What I am saying is that we have to be very careful about guarding our thoughts. I know in my own life, the more I think about something, the more I become consumed with that thought. Almost 9 times out of 10, I take whatever I’m thinking about and disregard God from that thought. I see that thought as my way or the highway. I begin to ignore what God’s word says about that thought. I start to manipulate my prayers.

Any of you ladies that pray know exactly what I’m talking about. Take this scenario. I love Billy. Billy and I used to date. I think Billy is soooooo cute and he loves God and he has the most beautiful eyes. I start to think about how there still might be a future with Billy. A lot. I let my mind wander to what it would be like to date Billy again. Then I start praying, “God, you know I really love Billy and I want things to work out. I know that you cause all things to work for the good of those who love you and this is good soooo can you work this out God? What happens is we fixate so much on that thought that we ignore the signs that God might be putting in our lives to tell us otherwise. You see what you’re looking for, instead of being opened to what God wants to show and teach you.

So what’s a girl to do then? Trust me, I don’t have all the answers. I struggle with this area. What I have learned is that I have to go on the offensive. Romans 12:2 says, “ Do not be conformed to this world, but transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God.” So, what does it mean to renew your mind? I think it means to focus on God’s word and his promises. When I start to dive deep into a thought that I know is only going to lead me down this path, I have a verse from the Bible I start to think about. Right now, I’m dealing with a situation that is very up and the air. So when I start to think about all of the “what ifs” I focus on Proverbs 3:5, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.” Another thing I do is I visualize handing over to God whatever the subject of my thought is. (At this point if there are any boys that made it this far in the post, you for sure think this joker is crazzzzy).

I would love for this post to be interactive. So if you anyone has any other thoughts, strategies, tips that might help. Please share them. Feel free to e-mail me if you want them to be anonymous and I’ll post them!

Also, since I shared my wedding thought today. I thought it was only appropriate to share a clip from my favorite wedding movie.

Let Loose!! Let yourself be sad!! Wait….whaaaa?

My main goal with this blog is to minister to people who are going through, have gone through, or will go through things I’m dealing with or have dealt with. One thing that has been prevalent in my life lately is pain. Mainly, I am dealing with a loss in my life…how do I respond, move on, and learn from it? A wise person once said, ” all of life is one going through a loss” It took me awhile to get on his level because I equated loss with death of a person. What I’ve come to find out is that loss occurs on all different levels and stages.

The first time I really experienced real loss in life was when I was diagnosed with diabetes. Being diagnosed with diabetes was essentially the death of a former life (I know, sounds super dramatic, but hear me out). The life I used to lead, where the word “diabetes” wasn’t a part of my vocabulary, let alone a part of my body. The diagnosis was a tough pill to swallow. First, I was in denial. Then, I was sad. I was sad for the loss of a former carefree life where I didn’t prick my finger 8 times a day, didn’t give myself shots 4-6 times a day, where I could go out and run and not think about my blood sugar dropping low. At this point in my life, someone a lot wiser than me led me to a great sermon about Jesus and how he dealt with grief and loss.

I think a common lie that Christians and non-Christians alike tell themselves is that being sad is wrong and bad. Being sad shows weakness. My prayer is that this post helps you realize that it’s ok to be sad!!

When I was diagnosed with diabetes, my response to the sadness was to go into crazy management mode. I read every book that mentioned the words diabetes, carbs, insulin, blood glucose, etc. I’m not saying that educating yourself about what’s going on is a bad thing, but I was using this as a way to keep the sadness away. Matthew 26:36-45 provides a clear picture of Jesus dealing with loss. In this passage, Jesus is “sorrowful and troubled.” He is troubled to the point of falling on his face. Often times, society, the church, our peers tell us that “falling on our face” is a bad thing. Picture this dialogue….Jennifer, “Hey Sarah, how are you today?” Sarah, “I’m so sad. I cried so much last night that I literally fell flat on my face out of grief.” If most of us were Jennifer we’d be like ummmmmm sorry, hate to hear that…maybe you should talk to someone. Then we would walk away and be like dannng, girl is MESSED up! (FYI Sarah and Jennifer are my cousin’s names and this is a total fictious account). We are taught to believe the lie that feeling grief and sadness means we are messed up and/or crazy people. If you are a member in a church, you might feel like others would think you lack faith in God. I would argue the opposite. When we open ourselves to feel loss, sadness, and experience grief we are opening ourselves up to the loss of control. We are saying, “I’m not in control of this situation. I don’t know why it happened to me and right now that’s ok. I don’t have to have all the answers and the whys figured out.”

Hang in there, I know this is a long and serious post, but I really feel compelled to share it with you because it is something that is very real to me.

The second step is the falling. When we allow ourselves to experience pain and loss we allow ourselves to fall. Falling goes against our very nature. Falling seems weak. I would say the opposite. Falling allows us to ascend to a place of humility…the foot of the cross. Your self-will and stubbornness start to break.

I would like to leave you all with this thought from a sermon on this very issue: “As we let ourselves go at this grieving and loss and we’re learning to fall we are unlearning control.”

In the spirit of losing control, I am losing control (and my mind) by sharing this video! Ps I might have made it in the car. No judging! PPS I know, the beginning picture of my face is just too beautiful for words. I know.

The year long blog dilemma

I have been tossing around the idea of creating a blog for over a year.  I have a very type A personality (better to warn you now!) and have created pro con lists in my head.  Just a taste of what goes on in my head…pro…I experience a lot of things that people might relate to…con…no one wants to hear about my life, it’ll be boring and unoriginal, etc.  After going through some big changes in my personal life, I finally decided to take the plunge.  The deciding factor…I thought about the blogs that I’ve read that have personally inspired me.  I’m not banking on inspiring anyone, but if I can make someone laugh, feel like they have someone to relate to, or have some hope…this whole experiment won’t be in vain.  I hope you enjoy and I welcome all feedback!

Disclaimer:  I am terrible at grammar.  I blame it on Florida Public Schools.  If anyone wants to volunteer to edit me, have at it!

About Me…

So I first published an “About Me” in January 2013.  Wow. So much has changed from then until now.  Including apparently my weight because ain’t nobody got time to be as skinny as the girl pictured below anymore and my lame caption jokes. Seriously, that is so lame I’m not even deleting it because its too funny.

Just so you know that I am, in fact, a real life person.  I am not catfishing you. Promise
Just so you know that I am, in fact, a real life person. I am not catfishing you. Promise

Honestly, I’m not sure what this blog really started out to be ( definitely not a blog on proper grammar…Professor Graves, if you’re reading this, I know the passive voice is just killing you).  I definitely didn’t think I’d still be trying to figure this thing out two years later.  However, I have wonderful friends and family that continue to read and share. So here we are… I’m 27 (almost 28, oh the horrors) years old.  Embarking on my fourth year as a practicing attorney.  Thank you, Jesus.  Live in the Bluegrass, native Floridian.  Go Gators and Go Cats. I can like both and if you tell me I can’t, well then, we cannot be friends. I used to fancy myself quite the runner, like I used to be skinny (see above), hence the “running” part of the title.  Definitely love Jesus.  If I could figure out how to use emojis on the computer I would enter the little praying hands guy right here. However, chalk the inability to use technology up to one of my many great skills. So there’s the “faith” part of the title.  And rounding out the “sugar” portion of the title, I am a type one diabetic.

And now this is just about the everyday struggle of a still twenty something (but only for two more years. I cannot accept.) who loves Jesus (she’s a good girl, loves her momma, loves Jesus and America too…no one else felt compelled to sing that if you’ve read this far? No? just me?), doesn’t take herself to seriously, and likes to laugh. A lot.

Really, I hope this blog meets people where you where you’re at, points you to Jesus, makes you feel a little better about your life, and makes you laugh.

Because you all deserve to know I'm not that skinny anymore
Because you all deserve to know I’m not that skinny anymore

Also, thanks so much to my wonderful and talented friend Claire of Claire Marie Photography who so graciously provided all of the photos that actually look professional on my blog.  Her creative talents never cease to amaze me. http://clairemariephoto.com/